Uncommon Wellness Paths to Explore
Greetings 4am Fitness Crew.
Uncommon paths are often celebrated and should be. We all have a celebratory “uncommon path” story. Many of our uncommon path stories are often only appreciated by us. You know, the ones that bring on that reflective smile.
Most of our Uncommon Path stories certainly do not classify as earth-shattering to the casual spectator – but this does not diminish their value; its impact should not be underestimated.
Although our unique – Uncommon Path life journeys may not be considered novel in the macro space, they are undoubtedly life-changing, often ushering us into serendipitous spaces that have elevated us to a mountain of joyful purpose. Immovable and enduring even after all these years.
That’s so counterintuitive. One would expect the well-planned path to yield the best returns, and it often does. However, experience instructs us; uncommon paths often gift us many rewards that serve our health and well-being. Inexplicable joy.
For so many of us, our life partners are gifts from venturing down an uncommon path. For others, uncommon paths migrated them to a different country or state – now, happily called home. Often it is as simple as venturing down a different path on our 4am fitness trek. You know the feeling, “Wow, I never knew this scenic view existed.” It was patiently waiting for you to discover its beauty, all these years.
Every day we should intentionally, mindfully, and consistently seek new paths, uncommon paths, paths that will refresh, refocus, reset, rebalance, and elevate our spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being.
Don’t settle for that mentally retrogressive space of inertia. It depletes your wellness. Consider the elevating and “you-deserving” alternative - explore an uncommon path that benefits and advances your well-being.
Summer is upon us, the days are getting longer, and the weather is more predictable, providing us with plenty of time to escape that gravitational pull to remain in a comfort zone that does not serve our wellness balance.
There is no need to beat yourself up, we all have comfort zones, or – “settle” zones. Emotional spaces that are antithetical to our wellness balance. Some of us are professionally driven but don’t have a similar passion for our fitness, others have very fulfilling social lives but are hesitant about romantic intimacy. We are driven to create sales growth at our places of employment but are indifferent to wealth creation on a personal level. That’s life. Trauma initiates that attitude of “I am not deserving” or “worthy”. Even if you did not identify the trauma at the point of impact, its residuals poisonously linger. Something that was said to us, or we experienced, is still impacting us negatively. There are these emotional pockets of “I am not deserving” that we are all tightly holding on to. Some of us have exceptional social skills that efficiently obscure the fault lines, but it's there. None shall escape unscathed. The struggle is real. But there is hope.
A Time to Unclutter
Let us explore some extraordinary paths together. You are not alone, your 4am Fitness Crew will also be accompanying you on this journey. However, before we embark on our breathtaking adventures, we must confront and clear out any emotional baggage that may be holding us back. Many of us have accumulated so much emotional clutter that we cannot safely traverse through life's chaos without first addressing it mindfully. It's a complex process, but it is essential for our well-being.
Do an emotional audit. I am always auditing. Because every day some event impacts my wellness balance. I practice mindfulness in attending to these threats during my 4am Sanctuary of Serenity. Life also necessitates attending to these “I am not deserving” moments with a sense of urgency – before I am overwhelmed. Anywhere. Anytime.
You must admit to your sense of feeling undeserving. You know the line, “I am ok,” “I am just fine.” But you are not. That is just an emotional missile defense system that serves you very efficiently from nosey friends, deep insecurities and profound inner anguish. You are not happy in that space. In your stillness, you have located the reason you feel undeserving of love, health, respect, professional progress, and an unwillingness to build wealth.
Now is the time to uncover the sources of your feelings of unworthiness. This is almost always a winding road of humor, sadness, regret, and anger.
Your childhood might have benefited from loving and encouraging parents, but you might have had a discouraging, intimidating, and demoralizing teacher.
Dig deep. You will unearth some uncomfortable stuff. You might be a victim of bias and bigotry. You might be a victim of a belief system that you served faithfully but did not serve and protect you. Continue digging - there is a reason, most likely external in origin. Identify it. Now act on it.
Be Kind to Yourself
“Action time” might require therapy, but it may not. Solicit feedback from empathetic friends. Be honest with yourself. But do what you must to get into that deserving space and place. Because whoever owns your past, owns you - your past, your present, and your future. And that person, epoch, or experience has no interest in liberating you (intentionally or unintentionally). So be kind to yourself, forgive yourself, believe this cannot be your destiny, and free yourself from that crypt of unworthiness.
Compassion, forgiveness, and a sense of history and society – where it relates to bigotry and bias, are essential to untangling the chains of self-loathing, self-deprecation, and comparison.
You must break free from these feelings of worthlessness, failure, inadequacy, and incompetence, with a stubborn mindfulness that will subdue that negative voice that has robbed you of your life’s purpose and holistic wellness.
Through practicing mindfulness (Blog: Bridge Building – “Practice Mindfulness”), positive self-talk, positivity offset, and emotional defiance (Blog: How to maintain …), I tackled head-on these feelings of undeserving and unworthiness that are intent on restraining me from exploring challenging and rewarding paths. With inexorable soulful resolve let us shout - “I am deserving!”
I Am Deserving
“I am Deserving of empathic and uplifting friendships!”
“I am Deserving of a joyous, spiritual space!”
“I am Deserving of a healthy and beautiful body!”
“I am Deserving of financial health and well-being!”
“I am Deserving of a loving, caring, and non-toxic relationship!”
“I am Deserving of a workplace that values my professionalism!”
“I am! I am! I am!” Hallelujah I am!”
Claim it forward! Believe it! Start embracing the new and deserving you.
Starting to feel free? I am. I am beginning to see the exit sign out of this historically imposed and directed chaos. The trash bags are filling up:
Trash bags marked:
“Daddy issues”
“Mommy issues”
“Abusive lovers’ issues”
“Abuse -all types, issues”
“Divorced parents issues”
“Financial insecurity issues rooted in my childhood”
“Hunger issues rooted in my childhood”
“Add more trash bags”
Depending on how many bags and how heavy these bags are, you may need support from empathic friends, family, a licensed therapist, or all of the above. Just get the toxicity out safely. But please, don’t try to remove them by yourself.
Some evidence-based emotive trash removal tools suggested by Medical News Today (“What to know about self-loathing”)
Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques like meditation, deep breathing, and grounding can help redirect a person’s thoughts to the present moment and help them identify self-loathing thoughts.
Make a list of strengths: A person can start small and find some things they like about themselves.
Practice positive self-talk: Saying positive things to oneself out loud can help improve one’s feelings and tune out negative self-talk.
Develop self-compassion: To build self-compassion, people can talk with and treat themselves as they would a loved one.
Accept other people’s compliments: People can practice saying thank you every time they receive praise, and try believing that the other person means it.
Lower expectations: Setting overly high expectations can lead to disappointments. Setting realistic and achievable goals can help people learn to trust in themselves and their capabilities.
Learn to forgive: Many people get stuck in painful moments in the past. Forgiving oneself and focusing on what one can do in the present can give a person power over their circumstances and reduce their self-loathing.
Concluding Thoughts
Confidence, I'd learned then, sometimes needs to be called from within. I've repeated the same words to myself many times now, through many climbs: Am I good enough? Yes I am. ~ Michelle Obama
What uncommon pathways should you explore? Any! That is the potency, and the beauty of emotional freedom - of being unbounded from the paralysis of unworthiness, of not feeling deserving.
Your brain’s architecture is now rewired to moderate the negative and strengthen the positive, with an automated response focus that uplifts, empowers, calms, and reassures.
Uncommon Wellness Pathway: This Friday finally accept the invitation from your caring and empathic friends to spend the evening at a karaoke club. “I am deserving of fun, laughter, and friendship.”
Uncommon Wellness Pathway: Seek the relationship counseling you have always avoided. “I am deserving of healing and intimacy.”
Uncommon Wellness Pathway: Set date night with your partner and stick to it. “I am deserving of romance.”
Uncommon Wellness Pathway: I will habitually stop working late. “I am deserving of spending quality time with family and friends.”
Uncommon Wellness Pathway: I am deserving of health and well-being. I am tired of avoidable pain. I am going to follow my doctor’s and nutritionist’s advice – and if I need, I will seek a wellness coach or a therapist to complement my efforts.
Uncommon paths are not perfect paths, but they are purpose-driven paths. These are pathways not dictated by a dark and burdensome past but by a bright and optimistic today and tomorrow. A path that values you, delights in you, serves you beneficially, and loves you unconditionally. A path where your holistic health and well-being are deserving of you. Filled with this bountiful affirmation, you step out confidently to embrace and be of service to your family, friends, and community.
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