How to Maintain Your Fitness and Optimism in the Midst of Obstacles
Greetings 4am Fitness Crew.
Even though that early March morning screamed winter – my emotions were jubilantly embracing a subjectively perfect spring morning. Gratitude is a powerful emotional navigation instrument – and this morning despite the frigid temperatures, gratitude elevated me to a space of overflowing delight, convoying childlike awe and contentment. This was really happening. I am running again!
I injured my Achilles in late October 2022, a couple of weeks prior to the New York City Marathon, and was forced to withdraw. About two months after that physically painful Achilles injury, and the accompanying deep disappointment of having to withdraw from the NYC Marathon, I commenced the Holiday Season with an excruciatingly painful visit to the ER on December 23, 2023. My “gift” courtesy of an MRI – a herniated disk. Christmas was over for me, the Grinch of Christmas knocked, and I unwittingly welcomed him in.
Trauma sets our negativity bias into overdrive, initiating actions that with trance-like competence magnetically pull us into those risky emotional rabbit holes. It is exhausting; repeatedly getting pulled down and then (the trauma) regurgitating us back out with sinister spite. A non-productive and rather dangerous cycle that can potentially spiral out of control, negatively challenging our wellness balance.
Too often our reflex response to negativity bias, also known as positive-negative asymmetry,(the tendency to dwell on and embrace a negative reality, even when an equally potent positive reality is an option. Looking at the glass always half empty – even though the glass is concomitantly half full) is emotional escapism.
I am a self-professed master of emotional escapism. This is not a boast, but rather a candid admission. Therefore, when a winter storm blankets my state, and my outdoor enthusiast persona is caged in for two days - I mindlessly hurry to the “dark side.” Sulk …, curse the winter gods, curse the weather forecasters, curse NOAA, curse Punxsutawney Phil – who after over 135 years of practice is still getting the end of winter forecast wrong, and any other person or entity who might remotely have anything to do with this horrible snowstorm.
The facetious reality of us “masters of emotional escapism” is, we plan meticulously for our self-inflicted emotional pain. My escapism response is to grab a massive bag of popcorn, and tune into the travel channel – that is coincidentally showing tropical getaways. The vexing certainty is, after five or six hours, all the beaches, resorts, and yachts all look alike, and my popcorn, ice cream, and chocolate high come crashing down. Every winter, like clockwork.
The American Psychology Association defines escapism as the tendency to escape from the real world to the safety and comfort of a fantasy world. While this behavioral reflex or coping strategy might work for a brief snow day, it is rarely a fix for deep emotional pain or trauma. It is not sustainable and in a best-case scenario, simply delays confronting the emotional elephant in the room, or worse, ignoring reality to the detriment of one’s mental health and well-being.
How do we effectively respond to negativity bias and its primary symptomatic response, emotional escapism?
Our way of thinking, our emotional and mental state of being must be instructed by positivity bias, or what is also referred to as, positivity offset. This is the consistent, intentional, and mindful wellness practice of elevating positivity (reasoning) in the differing, but intersecting spaces of reality - the actions, the expectations, and the memories. This wellness approach does not ignore reality, but by projection, expression, and practice, conveys that reality through the mindful filter of positivity.
While I reference my physical injury in our introduction, it must be reinforced that disruptions to our fitness routines can originate in any of the other wellness dimensions. Grief, in the emotional dimension (Check our blog on grief), a toxic workplace in the occupational space, and money challenges in the financial dimension, can all rob us of our focus and motivation. So, wherever you are, or, have been, boldly and assertively apply these evidence-based and workable solutions.
Be Emotionally Defiant
In the end, it is our defiance that redeems us. ~ Mark Rowlands
How do we replace our instinctual state of negativity bias with positivity bias or the positivity response? First by placing the wellness principle of gratitude at the center, the heartbeat of positivity bias, and second, by retraining or rewiring our brain’s thought patterns towards elevating and re-enforcing positivity as the primary tactic to process reality.
Emotional defiance is that intentional mental pushback against negative bias – that innate tendency to sprint towards negativity. It often involves the mindful rewiring of our brain’s circuitry towards resiliency, purpose, and happiness- indeed holistic well-being, after the disruption of trauma.
I always launch my defiant emotional pushback (positivity response) from complementing positions of “I am Deserving!” and gratitude. My first mantra-missile is always “I am deserving!” Mantras have been employed in traditional cultures to teach and enforce behaviors and sustain and elevate well-being. The etymology of the word dates to India three thousand (3,000) years ago. In linguistics and poetics where it was first practiced, the wellness principle for this sustained repetition –(Mananāt) mantra is the protection (trāyatē), “from all miseries arising from bondage or cycles from birth and death.” Mantras, therefore, serve a a means to liberate oneself from the stressors of life. They are a call to action and a deserving claim to freedom.( Source: Ancient Science of Mantras).
While mantras, ritual chants, and affirmations may have originated in Hindu-Buddhist cultures, there are very much present in all religious belief systems (yes they are) – even those of us who claim to be non-affiliated are practitioners (yes, we are).
The effectiveness of mantras and mantra meditations to contemporary society has been explored and the evidence-based benefits to our well-being articulated three thousand (3,000) years ago have been confirmed.
Effective in relieving stress.
Effective in coping with hypertension
(emerging evidence) Effective in relieving anxiety
(emerging evidence) Effective in promoting immunity
(emerging evidence) Improves mental health
(emerging evidence) Improves physical health
Source: Ancient Science of Mantras
Some of the mantras that I use every day, and always in my 4 am Sanctuary of Serenity are:
“I am Deserving of Happiness”
“I am Deserving to give and receive Love”
“I am Deserving of Health”
“I am Deserving of the Wellness bounty of this new day”
“I will embrace my community with Kindness and non-judgementalism”
Depending on where the need might be in my wellness dimensions, I will add some mantra reinforcements. During my herniated disc drama, when sleep refused to accommodate me, I chanted throughout the night and early morning hours: “I will run again,” “Thank God, my body is healthy, my mind is healthy” – and when that proved to be not totally correct, my fall back was – “I will beat this!” Okay, sometimes a colorful profanity or two was added for extra potency.
Mantras or affirmations are not just empty chants or emotionally uplifting lip service but have the power to change the chemistry of our brain and create new neural pathways. This is very exciting and encouraging news, especially for those of us who have been browbeaten with the maxim, “Old dogs cannot learn new tricks” or “Your head is way too hard” - I have no idea which of these sayings is more effective in its dispiriting intent. But the good news is, those axioms have summarily been dismissed anecdotally and scientifically.
Neuroplasticity is exciting for me because it affirms unequivocally that I am not hardheaded. If only I had this information in college. It seems modern science struggled with the plasticity capacity concept of the brain, in very much the same way ancient astronomy struggled with the shape of the earth. Luckily for all of us, the earth is spherical, and our brains are plasticity in its architecture – flexible, and elastic. The thinking, “I can do anything my mind sets out to do” might not be so far fetched after all.
Psychology Today excitingly describes the real-life application of neuroplasticity this way: “The importance of neuroplasticity can’t be overstated: It means that it is possible to change dysfunctional patterns of thinking and behaving and to develop new mindsets, new memories, new skills, and new abilities.”
You don’t have to emotionally settle. You don’t have to stay forever “injured.” Speak truth to power! Mindfully, intentionally, and with defiance, begin rewiring your brain with positivity. Begin remolding and enhancing the brain’s architecture with consistent thinking and actions that will seamlessly override the negativity bias that evolution “gifted” us. Harness the powers of your neural networks for positive change.
Replace negative bias with positivity bias or positivity offset (Source: Power of Positivity)
Replace pessimism with positive self-talk (Source: Cleveland Clinic: How to stop negative self-talk).
Start seeing that obstacle as a bridge and not a barrier (Blog: Bridge building to wellness).
Use the Gratitude Tool Liberally
Pair Emotional Defiance with Gratitude for an Optimism Booster
Contemplating and expressing gratitude does not come naturally to me. It is not my go-to emotional response in trauma or even in minor irritation. Consequently, during that challenging period of recovering from my painful injury, I had to intentionally repeat mantras of thanks and praise and embrace gratitude. This downtime (with the injury) provided me with the space to utilize gratitude in the emotional rewiring exercise.
Gratitude is that positive place of thankfulness and appreciation that warms the soul and puts a smile on your face. A thoughtful action that does not ignore reality (“I am in pain”), but rather redefines that reality through the emotional prism of positivity; “I am in excruciating pain, but I am so appreciative of you spending time with me - and bringing my favorite soup.”
Gratitude not only makes periods of pain, discomfort, and trauma more palatable, but also imports purpose, contentment, optimism, and happiness into that space. A mindful and consistent reframing and rewiring of this space that begins to recognize a world outside of your pain, a world that is kind to you and one where you feel fulfilled returning that kindness.
My emotional rewiring is a long-term project, but even at this incomplete phase, I am already celebrating the liberating benefits – the growth and change in my thinking, actions, and interactions. Free from the constraints of judgmentalism and free to give and embrace kindness.
Practice Patience. Practice Kindness. To Yourself.
Patience and time do more than strength or passion. ~ Jean de La Fontaine
What I discovered with my injury was loss, however manifested, can lead to similar recovery pathways or stages. I was actually surprised that my emotional reaction to getting injured and losing out on an opportunity to run the New York City Marathon or my herniated disc injury a few weeks later was similar in trajectory to my grief response. I am in no way attempting to minimize the loss of a loved one – the depth of pain … (Blog: Well-being in Grief).
Having been privy to the stages of grief, I was acutely aware of how I was going to respond to the injury and attendant loss of opportunity. I went through the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. I utilized three emotions to moderate the stages.
Rationalization: These injuries were painful, and involved loss of opportunity and income, but in the scheme of things it was not “all that bad.”
Self-Kindness: I was determined to be kind to myself.
Be not selfish: I was focused on not sulking and casting a shadow over Jen’s (my wife) achievements – participating and finishing the New York City Marathon.
Practicing patience is a critical element in the healing process - encompassing all dimensions of wellness. Whether you are rebuilding your finances, your career, your relationship, or coming back from a catastrophic injury, patience must be your emotional metronome. Patience will fuel you with calmness, purpose, and a mindful focus, that will respond with maturity and positivity to the delays, setbacks, and rainy days that will inevitably attend your journey of recovery. Your journey to reset your wellness balance.
Surround Yourself with Motivators
Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It is simply listening, holding space, withholding judgement, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of “You’re not alone. ~ Brene Brown
Friendship is a necessary tool in crisis response and management. Our trusted network – because of their emotional proximity can be agents of positivity and progression, or negativity and retrogression.
Most of our friends are sincere in their intentions. There is a reason we call them friends – we trust them with our emotional intimacy. And most friends want to honor this intimacy and trust by being there for us in times of crisis. But not all our friends are equipped to handle the emotional front lines.
The biblical narrative of Job is a fascinating front-row seat to the dynamics of friendship in crisis. After his family, wealth, social status, and health are wiped out in a reality-defying sequence of events, Job’s friends hurry to his side, to support their dear friend during this time of travail.
According to this pseudepigraphal text, Job’s friends’ sincerity was not only validated by the speediness of arriving to demonstrate support for their agonizing friend but also by their willingness to spend several days “encouraging” him. Some of you are mockingly saying, not much was happening in the “Land of Uz” so … not a big sacrifice.
While Job’s friends were physically present, they were emotionally absent. Job’s friends lacked empathy. While willing to travel a vast expanse to “comfort” their anguished friend, they were stubbornly unwilling to take that short emotional step to put themselves in his shoes – to vicariously embrace his grief, his pain, his loss of everything that mattered to him. Instead, Job’s friends assailed him mercilessly for everything; “Was the fire sprinkler working properly?” “Why did you use that stockbroker?” “You must have not been making your green juices regularly – to end up this sick.” Not one solution is offered. Not one encouraging word. Job’s friends were energy drainers.
Empathetic friends are usually energy givers, good listeners, comforting, uplifting, and non-judgmental. Friends who lack empathy talk too much, listen too little, too often tend to blame you for what happened, and like to “tell it like it is.”
The ONLY friends you need on this journey of recovery, healing, and turning obstacles into bridges are empathic friends. Your “Job Friends” are inimical towards your mental health and well-being.
Closing Thoughts
Jen and I, first day back to running, after my 4 months of recovery.
My back-to-back injuries left me emotionally and physically drained. And since our wellness is interlocking, the toxicity of those events contaminated every dimension of my wellness. The reality of trauma. But there is good news! That emotional intersection forced me to stop, pause, and breathe. Reset. Rewiring to positivity bias/positivity offset.
I was exhausted and frustrated and ready to exit the reactionary vacuous repetition of my emotional rabbit-hole existence. Negativity bias had depleted me. I had to rewire my brain’s architecture to survive and thrive in this trauma and be prepared for the next “hurricane.”
With a new and improved brain circuitry, we will not be left exposed to the unpredictability and relentless emotional vertiginousness that negative bias imposes on us. We will face storms, violent winds, and emotional turmoils, but our inner light will not dim. Instead, it will shine brightly and give us the confidence to overcome any obstacle. Our holistic health and well-being will be protected, rebalanced, and enriched.
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