Bridge Building to Wellness - 8 Proven Ways to Build it
A bridge can still be built, while the bitter waters are flowing beneath. ~ Anthony Viccone
Greetings 4am Fitness Crew.
Bridges fascinate me, both aesthetically and emotionally.
Bridges such as the Golden Gate Bridge, Sunshine Skyway Bridge and the Chesapeake Bay Bridge are engineering marvels that never fail to take my breath away. I know there are bridges in your home state or country that similarly awe you.
I have a strong emotional connection to certain bridges of my childhood – even though those bridges cannot be considered monuments to structural engineering. These simplest of bridges often connected us to our favorite beachside village, nature hiking trail or the refreshing simplicity of friends who preferred rural living. I can hardly contain my childlike joy as I embrace those cherished memories.
Because bridges evoke such positive imagery, I often employ it when faced with challenging situations – especially the protracted and head-scratching trials of life. You know, the challenges that one cannot make sense of. Those challenges that stun, stump, and leave us more disoriented than a boxer caught flush with the lethal accuracy of an opponent’s left hook. Bridge building urgently beckons.
The drive to our destinations was often rugged, and quite scary – many of these bridges swayed menacingly and made unnerving sounds. How those bridges never collapsed is a mystery of physics. But we kids were convinced of two realities – the bridge will not fail us (hey, it had been rocking and swaying and squeaking like this since our parents were our age so …), and it connected us to a wonderful place – those assurances always made the journey as rewarding as the destination. Even when we got a flat tire – well, let us just say cell phones and AAA were not yet invented in our neck of the woods.
I have learned to view life’s challenges in a similar vein, that metaphorical bridge that will connect me to a better place; a redefined me, a repurposed me, a refocused me. A me reaffirmed. A journey that is always challenging. A journey that is always necessary. A journey that is always rewarding.
Since our 4am Sanctuary of Serenity is a safe place, I can be transparent. Often getting over that (metaphorical) bridge can be very difficult – hurt, disappointment and anger can paralyze even the best of intentions. I often feel stuck in the middle of the bridge- and emotionally incapacitated. Man ... Disappointment and hurt are heavy. But after hours or days or even weeks in this emotionally barren space, I painfully drag myself to the business of bridge building. An unfinished bridge is not a safe place to linger.
What traumatic experience, crisis, or stressful event has led you to this bridge? Grief, illness, relationship, financial? I am confident the proven actionable steps in this blog will compliment your bridge building efforts … the sun will shine again.
Note to self: If you need to talk to a trusted friend or seek therapy do it. Do not sit in that dark tunnel of disappointment and depression alone. I did not. You should not.
The building blocks of bridge building are always the same: forgiveness, patience, gratitude, mindfulness, et cetera. The goal is always the same, resetting our wellness balance, to holistically serve our health and wellbeing.
Bridge building is not all fun, it is arduous work - but I so appreciate the state of being it returns us to, joyful purpose.
Let the journey begin.
“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” ~ Nelson Mandela
Building Materials/Actions Needed:
Emotional Inventory
Mindfulness
Patience
Perseverance
Gratitude
Activate Your Squad
Forgiveness
Flexibility
1. Take an Emotional Inventory
If you do not know where you are, where are you packing to go? If you are oblivious to how you are feeling, exactly what do you plan to confront? The building process cannot be initiated unless you have a detailed design of the proposed building and the materials needed to complete the task. The cost and time involved. We are still in the metaphorical space.
This should always be the first step. As the ageless proverb says, “do not put the cart before the horse.” Sit still. Be mindful, be intentional, be focused. Journal. This is a challenging space, but it is your safe, non-judgmental space – honest and unfiltered.
“Why am I feeling lonely and afraid, even though I am surrounded with a caring supportive circle of friends and family?”
“Why am I still holding on to that hurt?”
“What triggers me?”
“What are my emotional strengths?”
“What’s my vulnerabilities?”
This space of emotional quietude and honesty permits you to better identify and manage difficult emotions such as anxiety and self-loathing, by asking the difficult questions. Will every challenging question be rewarded with a revealing answer? No. But you have started the good work of creating an emotional space that is receptive and conducive to introspection and awareness.
Our preference at 4am Fitness Crew is for this exercise to be performed … you guessed it, at our 4am Sanctuary of Serenity - that place where the spatial and emotional are balanced in tranquil bliss. But life does not always accommodate such privileges. Who knows when an emotional earthquake will strike? What matters more than what time you do it, is simply to do it. Do not skip this step.
2. Practice Mindfulness
“To think in terms of either
pessimism or optimism
oversimplifies the truth.
The problem is to see
reality as it is.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
Mindfulness is always a challenge for me. Unlike my tranquil and emotionally secluded 4am Fitness Crew space – Sanctuary of Serenity – mindfulness is a way of thinking in the hustle and bustle of daily life. I am so easily emotionally distracted, I am either reflecting on some action of the past – if I am reflecting it most likely is a regrettable action, or apprehensive about something tomorrow. I struggle in the present. Being mindful is a deliberate action that directs your brain to focus on what is happening as it is happening. If we do not Intentionally engage our brain to embrace that moment in gratitude – we risk losing the calming harmony of emotions unique to that moment.
In that moment of juxtaposition, you may also feel sadness or anger (e.g.; You are enjoying a beautiful walk in the park the day after a nasty breakup – the same park you met your former partner); but because of the intentional steps you took in “1”- Emotional Inventory – you are now better equipped to mindfully turn this moment into a positive and apply it to the healing process – building your bridge.
3. Patience
This most challenging of traits derives its name from the Latin word pati, which means to suffer, to endure, or to bear. But this trait is just what is needed as you build. Building always involves setbacks and obstacles – timetables for completion are always challenged. When you react with calmness, purpose, and a mindful focus on both the task at hand and the destination, you ensure the structural integrity of your bridge remains your focused priority. Impulsive and instinctive (fright or flight) reactions will not be an option – instead, the strong arm of mindfulness will guide your response.
4. Perseverance
“You don’t have to be the strongest, the quickest or the most gifted. Just be the one who never, ever quits.” ~ 4am Fitness Crew
You have meticulously calculated the value of this project; and you are wholly brought into your vision of a better, stronger, refocused you. You will mindfully, patiently, even stubbornly push through every obstacle. Bridge building is not for the helpless or hopeless, but for the bruised purpose driven optimist.
5. Gratitude
It seems that science has just found out the reason for all this personal and societal negativity. Ok, it was discovered a long time ago – I just discovered it – similarly to how Christopher Columbus “discovered” the “New World.”
You are taking your emotional inventory every morning before commencing bridge building. You are persevering, patient and mindful, but negative emotions assail you at the most inopportune time – distracting you, slowing you down. Quite frankly, emotionally hazardous. Do not despair, there is hope. We have the solution.
You are not overreacting; negativity bias is a real cognitive condition. Evolution appears to have failed to root out those hyper-negative genes of our stressed-out ancestors –who were constantly on the run from carnivorous dinosaurs, lions, tigers, each other … “good ole days?” We have obviously been “gifted” this natural propensity to see the glass half empty – even when It is half full. Confusing? Stay with me. In other words, something very positive will have less of an impact on our behavior and cognition than something equally emotional but negative. This can also be referred to as negative dominance.
Practicing gratitude daily is a simple yet evidence-based solution to this genetic malady.
Studies suggest:
Improve emotional well-being
Help us cope with stress, trauma, loss, and grief
Lower cortisol levels
Reduce symptoms of depression and physical pain
Fewer signs of heart disease
Improves Sleep
Decrease Inflammation
Lower Blood Pressure
Beneficial to Blood Sugar control
Improves overall health.
Sources: WebMD: “Practicing Gratitude can have Profound Health Benefits, USC Experts say.” Everyday Health: “All About Gratitude: What It Means, Why it’s Good for your Health and How to Practice it.” Greater Good Magazine: “Is gratitude Good for your Health.”
How to apply the Gratitude Fix
Start and end the day with mindful gratitude reflections and meditations
Take a moment. Think about the positive things that happened during the day.
Journal. Make a habit of writing down things you are grateful for. Try listing several things.
Savor your experiences. Try to notice the positive moments as they are happening (Our section on “Practicing Mindfulness” reinforced)
Relive the good times. Relive positive moments later by thinking about them or sharing them with others.
Write to someone. Email, text, send an old fashion letter or card to someone expressing your gratitude.
Make a visit. Express your gratitude to someone by sacrificing the time to pay them a visit.
Source: NIH News: Practicing Gratitude. Ways to Improve Positivity.
6. Activate Your Squad
Building a bridge can be overwhelming. And while you will need help, it must be recognized that this is a very intimate and delicate project – and only those nearest and dearest to you should be allowed on site. Ensure the conversations in this space uplift and not deflate. Your interactions in this space must bring solutions and not endless rambling. Those who enter this space must be committed to confidentiality, authenticity, upliftment, and comfort. And yes, make you laugh, even amidst grief and anxiety.
Many years ago, a good friend suffered a sudden and heart-wrenching loss. Several of us sat in his living room in gloomy and uncomfortable silence, when suddenly one brave fellow suddenly pierced the grieved suffocating space with a joke that had us all laughing and crying at the same time. Healing had begun.
7. Forgiveness
“He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge which he himself must pass.” ~ George Herbert
You are enthusiastic about where this emotional bridge is taking you, but you must address the unfinished business of forgiveness. Not forgiving or feeling not forgiven can trap us in anger, hurt and toxicity that will disrupt and most certainly halt your bridge building project. It will assuredly serve your health and well-being to delay the project and tenderly deal with this necessary space. I am not one for speed in this space. Let there be no ambiguity; forgiveness is the path to healing and emotional freedom. There cannot be a return to a state of happiness if this space is not exhaustively attended to.
This is a space where you might want to consider professional therapeutic help.
Source: For a more in-depth look at this necessary building phase, check out this must read at Psychology Today, “Forgiveness: The Path to Healing and Emotional Freedom.”
8. Flexibility
Engineers build bridges to sway and move side to side, so they don’t break but expand and contract.” ~Builderspace.com
The analogous connectivity to structural bridge building and the metaphorical emotional model continues to fascinate. If you are not a civil engineer, most likely you have never heard of thermal expansion and contraction (I was clueless) – but if you have ever crossed a bridge – we all have – you have unknowingly experienced thermal expansion and contraction.
Temperature changes cause changes in the bridge – expands or contracts. If the bridge gets very heated the road bed will expand. Conversely, if the bridge is cooled, the road bed will retract. This constant expanding and retracting can eventually lead to a structurally unsound bridge. The solution? Expansion (or movement) joints that fill gaps within the bridge and function as a flexible variable filler that helps the bridge adapt to temperature variances and even the violence of an earthquake without distorting.
Quite simply, a rigid bridge is not sustainable. It will collapse.
Like bridges, our emotional wellness is impacted by life seasons – joy and sadness, success and failure, breakthroughs, and barriers. As in the structural so with the emotional, if we do not intentionally adopt flexibility thinking and flexibility living – changes in “temperature” - and the hurricanes and earthquakes of life will quickly topple us emotionally.
Similarly, as we need a change of clothing for different seasons, we need to change our attitudes in this period of building and resiliency. We cannot be trumpeting a “new me” and a “new tomorrow,” yet hold on tenaciously to certain attitudes, practices, and viewpoints of yesteryear - that quite frankly, did not serve us well.
Remember, rigidity breaks, flexibility strives. Ditch myopia, and open your mind to new spaces – intellectually, spiritually, socially, and culturally. Appreciate and joyfully embrace the reality that your way is not the only “right” way – both in your personal and community space.
Trauma often pushes us into negative corners. Corners where we spend more time in isolation, suspicion, and fear, rather than in spaces that build community, confidence, and uplifting boldness. There simply is no moving forward without flexibility. Emotional rigidity hauls us into dystopia spiritual spaces that makes stillness, gratitude, empathy, uplifting purpose and embracing community, almost impossible.
Flexibility ensures that the bridge is not just a visually pleasing edifice, but a safe and functional structure that will connect hopes, dreams, opportunities, lovers, friends, cultures and even the assurance that this sunrise will positively honor your new day.
Concluding Thoughts
Where are you in your bridge building project? Planning? Commencing? In the middle of a stormy day – where you have been forced to temporarily pause? Or have you completed the project and are celebrating your wellness bounty? Wherever this morning finds you, we sincerely hope you will embrace with confidence and gratitude these wellness tenets - and with boldness live your best life 4am and beyond.
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